This week. OHHHHH this week has been, indescribable. It has been as though the entire world was throwing a party in which I was not invited. People were excited about all the fun things happening in the next two weeks, and I didn't care.
It started out with someone telling me that my family would not be able to attend my last dance performance at Dean. Excuse me? You must be kidding. There has to be three more tickets. Nope sorry, sold out. You should have bought them sooner "honey."
And it happened. I cried and it felt great.
The next two days consisted of me scrabbling to find someone who might be willing to change their families tickets to another day. After not having a very optimistic attitude towards the situation, several of my friends mentioned that they might be able to lend me a ticket or two! YIPPEE! Regardless, my parents are coming and would have stood in the back of the theater to see my one performance.
So needless to say, for the past couple of days I've been in a weird mood. Not sad, or emotional or even excited about graduation or the Dance Company performance this weekend. Just weird. I think part of it has to do with not being satisfied with myself. I always find a way to think about how I could have done something better. How I could be better in this class, or why I didn't try harder at this.
It's like I'm being dropped on the floor from a 100 foot building, picked up and dropped again.
Then today, reality hit me with the same force in which I was being dropped previously:
Senior year! HELLO!
"It's senior year Nicole! Wake Up! What's your problem?!"
So I guess the conclusion of this blog (I feel like it needs one) is that it was just a weird mood. My "rational thoughts" were probably only 60% worthwhile, and I had completely forgot about the other 40% . So from now on, I need to stop thinking about the negative and focus on the positive. Stop worrying about things that have already happened. I'll be happier.
Have a nice sunny weekend! & Happy Earth Day!