Upside down, turned inside out


Today was hard. One of the hardest days that I've had as a dancer. I'm worn out, tired, sick, homesick, and very vulnerable apparently. I feel like tasks are being piled one by one, faster than I can get rid of the ones on the bottom. It's an awful game of catch up and get ahead. So this is how my day went from alright, to completely upside down . Surprisingly, it started out great! In modern we relaxed only had to focus on our breath.. IT WAS AMAZING! I didn't have to think about anything else in the world. I felt a wonderful surge of energy pulling out of my body. It was such a great experience, and I wish that there was a class where we could do that every morning before we had to dance.

With less than two week left till our senior performance, rehearsals are getting longer, people are getting meaner and everyone is physically and mentally exhausted. It's an awful combination, and it sucks because this is the one time in all four years that we've been here, when we really have to enjoy it and love what we're doing. Honestly, we don't have the time. Anyway, so we had a rehearsal and people weren't there, and costumes were being changed, and everyone was feeling like we might not make it till next Friday. Then the pile got tall and fell over: "Don't forget, you have these papers due, have to find someone to do your lighting, sound, video, and pass out your programs. Oh and you have a final portfolio due, an audition with an agent next week, company auditions, a five minute dance to choreograph and showcase auditions. And don't forget to smile!"
That's when I lost it. It felt like someone took all my emotions.. twisted them into a ball, threw them around and shoved them back in and said "Here you go, suck it up."

It felt really good to cry, and to know that everyone else was in the same boat. It sucks that we feel like we can't enjoy the process of being in total control of one of our last college dance shows. We should love it, and sometimes I do. But not when it is stressful, annoying and conflicting with everything else I have to get done. Anyway, the point is that - I get it. It's hard, I know, and I'm willing to accept that. I feel better now. Take one day at a time. Don't freak out about everything that's due next month, or next week. I love my life, I love dance and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Once in a while, you're going to break down.. that's just the way it is.. so

"All we can do is keep breathing."
Ingrid Michaelson

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